So, basically...

In fact,  I hate it. It reminds me of my failures to care for my mum and dad. Sometimes,  I do wish I was never born, but that was not a good way of thinking either.

And it's harder for an emotionally retarded like me. Why I couldn't cry during my parents' funeral,  I still don't know. But nowadays,  I miss them both, so much.

I couldn't afford to dream anymore. But I love to dream, even when I find it hard to differentiate between my dreams and my reality,  some times. I guess, dreams are really just for kids.

If not, I will be in this mentally-depressed state of existence forever. But, to forgive and forget? Not a chance.

time moves slowly.  no urgency.  got nothing worth doing.

Let: friendship = trust and acceptance if:         my trust + my acceptance = 0 and: my skepticism + my paranoia = infinity then: friendship = 0 therefore: my circle of friendship = almost nonexistent

with less or no option, the thing that i'm doing now will be something that i 'have' to do, not something that i 'want' to do. this makes everything not fun anymore. without fun, i can't be happy. if i were to be broke or broken, i need to at least have fun in my work. if not, i am better off dead, literally.

as i got older, i've realised that my options are becoming lesser and lesser, and nowadays, i'm mostly running out of options. so my only option, is to just stick to those options i do have. but that's sucks!

as i get older, i prefer to k.i.s.s. - keep it short & simple. time is running out for me, i guess. old age is really the perfect time to k.i.s.s.

i walk alone, i may got lost at times, i may forget where i am, or even who i am. but eventually, i will find my way out, just to get through yet, another path.  and the cycle of losing, missing and finding, will begin, again. a.maze.ing.

i need to force this on myself everyday - to take things slowly.  And so..... inhale, hold it, exhale, inhale, hold it, exhale, ..... and not to forget,  to stare at nature. Then peace will come, slowly.

i could absorb the surrounding emotions easily. i'm overly sensitive to everyone's feelings. even just by physically touching their pictures. and this, is a curse to me. i hate this side of me.

i've no idea. thankfully, i'm still a human.

So, if i happen to like someone who happens to look like me, does that mean i actually happen to like myself? Weird. Confusing.  I used to think I hated myself. Besides, does this mean that I don't really like that person?

it is really frustrating when I feel like i'm missing something, but i just don't know what it is. like when i've finished a certain project, and everyone's thanking me, and yet, i still feel dissatisfied with everything. and my paranoia keeps telling me, that those people, are just being nice to me. anyway, only one thing is certain: i am soooooo... damnnnnnnnn.... tired! damn.

i.am.a.pushover! damn! so hard to say no, without feeling bad about it. i wish people can stop taking me for granted. and for me to be less selfless.

is not something people my age should do. it's too tiring.

i do believe incessantly that if humans can unleash the power of the brain and the mind to its full potential, we can even move mountains,  just by thinking about it. still, i will be too lazy even to think.

i am an amazing eccentric with a superbly genius mind.  and yet, i'm too lazy to do anything.

wishing i could go back to the past. it's too scary for me to move on. and, some things just keep holding me back. how can i let everything go? is that even possible? nope, i guess not.

a friend once told me, we are too old now, to care about what others think of us. i agree. i'll just be me. because that's just who i am.

sometimes, all i need is a hug, total silence, and nothing more. this is called 'understanding'. understood? then, just leave me alone.

my heart, my love, an open ended question. still vacant for more answers. how big is my heart, anyway?

i know, i am not a nice person anymore. but, so what? it's just me.

i ain't paranoid but really, nowadays, it's just me, against the world. and i'm exhausted.