So, basically...

hide me, but keep me, ignore me, but think of me, be silent, but miss me, be broken, but love me.

pain is painful but at least, if i can feel pain, it means i am still able to feel. and that makes me a human. 😐

i think this is one of my depression triggers - seeing everything as 50-50, yes/no, black/white. maybe i should left some rooms for the in-betweens, the maybes, and the what-ifs. the grey area. asking why not, instead of saying that's it. and let time flows freely in its course, and things might turn out differently someday. who knows, right? except God. but i still need to work for things rather than to just wait for things to happen.

it is difficult for me to move on or to end an addiction always stucked on the way  until confusion sets in  and i lost my way now i am looking for ways  to get back on with the right way while wondering,  which way should i go now,  when i have only one option left - the high way.

feeling so lonely and yet, still prefer to be alone i am beyond help all the songs in the world could never heal me now i am a broken record

i do hate December i hate this gloomy weather i hate this rainy atmosphere but the more i hate them the more i am drawn to them the more i am falling for them and now i think i love being sad and bitter and always be down with this gloomy weather.

i just nod my head when this is what i really want to say: no, i am not okay i am never okay  anymore i have lost my guiding light my good conscience's voice my kind guardian angel when she left i no longer have the will and courage to stay courageous but, thank God for that that i am also not courageous enough to shorten my life line and be lost in time

in the end let's bleed each other's hearts with words we don't really mean let them be drenched in cold blood and drowned in the pool of tears let's forget about the rest of the world in the end, nothing really matters.

how do i keep smiling when i don't feel like smiling anymore? it's really hard to keep a straight face when i can't even think straight. my fake smiles hurt my face, and my heart. even when i am so good in faking mostly everything.

i may not be able to give birth to a person, but i have at least able to nurture a great person. and that's perfect.

2 room mates. 1cat But at least, they are my family in others' eyes.

if i want something but unable to tell myself properly, why i need it, then, it must be something that i don't really need.

i may always be down and suicidal at times, but learning new songs makes me happy all the times. 😍

there are patterns to everythings. even with human beings. especially with human beings.

Lost love. Lost dreams. VS. Reality - the here and now.

the fact that i am worried and feeling guilty about this thing, tells me that this thing is wrong.

there's always a way to get away!