double standard
when you were brilliant as a child, you were considered gifted but when you are brilliant at an older age, you are just experienced.
having lesser options, not so wonderful.
with less or no option, the thing that i'm doing now will be something that i 'have' to do, not something that i 'want' to do. this makes everything not fun anymore. without fun, i can't be happy. if i were to be broke or broken, i need to at least have fun in my work. if not, i am better off dead, literally.
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